Need some ideas

[dazco]

Theres a lady that i've known for about 15 years now, tho only online. We just kinda hit it off just as friends and she lives far away. I know what you're thinking, but it's nothing like or about that. We are just friends. She's gone thru some tough times lately and i always try and help her out. Anyways, her parents are quite old and having some serious health issues. Her mom has alzheimers and the father is mid 90's and in the hospital as we speak in very bad health. She's going to be thier only family for the most part, and the one who will bear the financial burden and all other burdens if and when it happens. She's not well off finacially and just gets by.

Anyways, long story short, she sent me a Xmas card with $500 in it for being so supportive, but i emailed her to tell her how i appriciate being so appriciated. But i told her i must send it back to her. I told her it makes no sense for me to frivolously spend $500 of money she will no doubt desperately need before long. The thing is, i really DON'T want it. If it were money i found on the street that would be different. But i cannot possibly use it on myself and feel good about it. In fact, it's eating me up because she refuses to take it back. She tells me she will resend it as many times as i send it back to her and even said she would terminate our friendship.

So heres what i'm asking....can anyone think of a way i can get it back in her wallet without her sending it back? Any ideas at all. I absolutely cannot keep it no matter what she says, but she's extremely upset that i won't keep it. I don't know what to do and it's really ruining my day, not to mention i'm taking 2 weeks off for Xmas and this is going to ruin it for me. I also got some bad personal news today thats adding to it and making me ill just thinking about it. I can't for the life of me figure out what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[keystiger]

Wow........that is a real quandary. Though I totally understand your not wanting to take the money. Do you know if she has a paypal account and or her paypal name? You could send it back that way. If its an actual paper check........you could just not cash it. Wait it out. She can send all the paper checks she wants if you don't cash it.......well its still in her account now isn't it.
Sorry to hear you received bad news as well. Hope its nothing to serious.
Cheers and good luck.

 

[dazco]

She sent five $100 bills ! I don't think she has paypal but thats not a bad idea. I could check her email addy and see if it's attached to a paypal account. Only problem with that is if she keeps resending it and figures out she can paypal me. We'd both keep incurring fees i think. Anyways, thanks...that may be a good idea.

 

[dazco]

Oh man Adrian......i checked it and she DOES have a paypal account with her emaill addy !!! I went to paypal and clicked send money then put a random amount in and clicked continue and it showed her name. Thank you for that idea ! I still have to figure out what to do, but when i figure it out this will be perfect. No worries about sending cash thru the mail or anything, just PP her ! Awesome! Now i just have to figure out what to do. If i just send it she will hate me. I have to figure out something to say that will make her not kill me when i return it. I also have to figure out how to do this since she's canadian. She must have gone to a bank and exchanged canadian dollars for US dollars. So what do i do.....look at the exchange rate at that moment and send whatever equals $500 USD?

 

[keystiger]

That's a good call. Paypal may even offer a conversion option. Not sure. But glad i could help.

Sent from my LG-L38C using Tapatalk 2

 

[AussiePedro]

Dazco ..the problem aint the hard cash its the philosophy about it. As a loving friend she just has to accept that this cash donation doesn't sit well with you as she is strapped for cash. I can see this going back and forth and getting nowhere, she has to know that your feelings on this are just as important as hers....but women are strange cattle just my 2c.

 

[dazco]

Agreed, but If you saw the emails i sent her you know i said all the right things to make it dead obvious that this is really killing me and it's not going to make me happy like she thinks. But as you said, and i couldn't agree more, they are strange. Never known one to really understand the obvious common sense answer. Their common sense and logic seems to be completely blinded by emotion. The point is she wants to do something for me out of appreciation, but what i cannot make her understand is that making me keep it is doing just the opposite. I even said "if you want to do something to make me happy, let me retrn this to you because if you don't i will be unhappy". I don't know if she just doesn't believe me or what.

 

[Tassie Tiger]

Maybe instead of sending her the money you could buy her something of a similar value....now don't ask what as I wouldn't have a clue

 

[shanered6]

well what about a compromise ! you take say $100 and say that is plenty for you ! or just say if she wont take it back you will give it to charity ! or just hang on to it and when she needs it send it back so your just acting as a savings account .
just a few ideas !!

 

[dazco]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to use one of them right now. Adrian's paypal idea. Soon as i post this i'm off to do it. She emailed a long letter to me this morning and i realize this is not going to go well. But thats he call. If she wants to terminate our friendship then thats up to her. But it's gong back right now.

 

[DaveM]

What I would do is find some charity that she would support and donate it to them and let her know that you did it. This way you should both feel good about it without upsetting her and sending the money back to her. You could just also tell her that it makes you feel good seeing it going to x charity.

 

[dazco]

No matter, the whole problem is solved ! She got the paypal email and emailed me saying how stubborn i am but she accepted it as the way it's gonna be and doesn't even seem angry. I think the whole angry "do NOT even think about sending it back" and terminate our friendship thing was all just a ploy to try and intimidate me into keeping it. But once she saw i wasn't kidding when she got the paypal email she realized i was serious. Anyways, I'm very relieved. Thanks for that idea Adrian, you saved the day ! In fact, i'm so thankful to you i'm going to send you $500, and don't you dare send it back.

 

[DaveM]

Well at least you manage to get it back to her, $500 is not a small amount in anyone's book that is for sure

 

[keystiger]

No matter, the whole problem is solved ! She got the paypal email and emailed me saying how stubborn i am but she accepted it as the way it's gonna be and doesn't even seem angry. I think the whole angry "do NOT even think about sending it back" and terminate our friendship thing was all just a ploy to try and intimidate me into keeping it. But once she saw i wasn't kidding when she got the paypal email she realized i was serious. Anyways, I'm very relieved. Thanks for that idea Adrian, you saved the day ! In fact, i'm so thankful to you i'm going to send you $500, and don't you dare send it back.

Send it BACK??????!!!!!!!!!!! Hell man I all ready spent it Glad I could help.

 

[CarlS]

Dale, one of the things that I learned in life was to accept a gift graciously - even when I did not want it or think it was deserved. She did this with her heart and she chose to do it. She wanted to do it. You can always bank the money and send it back to her when she has a need.

 

[NORTY]

Send it to me. This will fix your situation both ways.

or, find out her charity and donate in her name...

 

[dazco]

Dale, one of the things that I learned in life was to accept a gift graciously - even when I did not want it or think it was deserved. She did this with her heart and she chose to do it. She wanted to do it. You can always bank the money and send it back to her when she has a need.

Yeah, but this wasn't just a gift, it was more than she can realistically afford to give away. If it was anything reasonable i would have, but not $500. I have listened to her talk about her financial situation many times and she lives in fear of losing her house or having to finance her parent's medical needs. Then she just tosses $500 away?! I don't think so. I don't care what she feels. It's like spanking your child....you don't want to hurt them but u know it's the best thing for them in the long run. I explained that I really appropriate the thought in a jaw dropping way, but that i would be far happier if it were back with her. I put myself in her shoes and i can see how she'd be somewhat sad or disappointed, but thats a natural reaction to something very different than this is. Thats the reaction people have by default without really thinking about it and it's the sadness that the person doesn't want anything from them or that they are not good enough to make you happy. But that couldn't be further from the truth, and i figure as long as i appreciate the thought, doing the right thing for her best interest is a lot more important than me having fun money to throw around on luxury items, which is all it would be to me. I made sure she knows how much i appriciate it and how I don't need it and she does. So she's ok with it now.

 

[CarlS]

Very good.