A Short Tool Guide
Shop tools are necessary for performing everything from routine preventive maintenance up to complete engine rebuilds. Shop tools are classified by use, like screwdrivers for driving screws, wrenches for wrenching, and hammers for hammering. As outlined in my general Guide To Tools, this is not as descriptive or accurate as using pain categories for tool usage. For example, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being an ouchie and 10 requiring airlifting to the nearest trauma center) a screwdriver is a #4 tool. The assigned number refers to how many epithets get used after a mishap or fluid ounces of blood that can be spilled using the tool. For real heavy tools like a bike lift, or ½” hammer blow rotary drill, the number values change automatically to gallons and ambulance response times. For example, raising your bike on a table lift and it falls on you from 3 feet off the floor is a #8 tool. The number applies to the how many gallons of blood seems to be washing across your garage floor, or the number of hours it seems to take the ambulance to show up while you wait patiently for rescue. So herein are some of the standard shop tools you may want to consider adding to your toolbox.
POWER TOOLS
Power tools can be segregated into two basic types, painful and lethal. These can be refined into two subcategories, electric and pneumatic. So there are painful electric and painful pneumatic and then there are the lethal versions. A painful device can be transitioned to lethal with a concerted application of bad luck, poor judgment, or inappropriate advice.
For example a radial arm saw I use is normally an electric painful power tool. I can use it to rip a cheap knotty 2X4 and if I use my thumb as a substitute for a feather board and remove the tip of my thumb, it’s only painful. If I’m ripping the same board using a feather board but forget to engage the anti-kickback pawls on the blade’s guard in my haste to get a 2 minute job done and stand behind the board, it transitions to lethal when the saw launches the board back at me at near the speed of sound.
Some painful tools remain painful no matter how you may use (or abuse) them. So, it is helpful to know which are painful solely since the rest can make the transition to lethal. Another key aspect to consider is the manufacturer’s installed safety devices. Most power tools come with warning labels as to proper function or use. That’s because at some time or other some boneheaded Neanderthal got a brilliant idea to use a tool improperly for a purpose that tool was never intended for, and then sued the manufacturer for injuries sustained due the manufacturer’s lack of foresight (or clairvoyance) to prevent them from being stupid. Like the bonsai bozo that bought a 22” gas powered rotary lawn mower and tried to use it to trim his hedges. After he sprayed his fingers into his neighbor’s yard the label got affixed to all rotary mower decks thereafter about hands under the mower deck post lawsuit settlement.
My only beef with this odious practice in the case of the lawn mower is the label ought to read: ‘If intending to use this product to trim anything not related to grass, box and ship this unit to store of original purchase because you’re far too stupid to own our (or anyone’s) power operated product.’ So now that I have laid the foundation here are some tools that I have found are indispensible.
Bench Grinder – (#2 painful/lethal tool.) This rating is applied based on the limited number of fluid ounces of blood that can be had by simply permanently abrading your epidermis. However since it can plunge a ¾” #8, 4” long hex bolt into your sternum with alarming ease it qualifies as lethal. While the absolute pain level is higher (standard ratings about a 6) the true lack of blood loss rates it substantially lower. This is a very handy tool for many things. First there are a number of attachments that can be used with a bench grinder. Using a grinding wheel can be used to remove burrs from metal, sharpen blades, shape hand-made brackets and gizmos, and launch aluminum objects into orbit. If you trade out a carborundum grinding wheel for a wire brush wheel, this can be used to remove rust from nuts, bolts and hardware, paint from metal, soot from steel, skin from knuckles, and ventilate your shop roof with bits and bobs launched at warp speed. A wire wheel is also excellent for lodging metal flakes in your eyes, ears, nose and fingers. I’ve used it to launch bolts into the stratosphere, open wounds on my hands and add to my store of cursory language.
If you change to a polishing wheel, the type that uses white, red, or brown rouge you can polish metal bits to a very high luster just before reaching plasma temperature and permanently removing your fingerprints. I prefer white rouge because it turns dull aluminum into shop missiles capable of supersonic speed. It’s also an efficient fingerprint remover when the object being polished starts smoking the oils in your skin. I’ve used my bench grinder for all these tasks.
One of the true nuisances of using a bench grinder is the safety devices they install on them like the scatter shields and tool rests. These items impede a lot of progress, so I typically have them off. That way when a wire wheel grabs a bolt I’m cleaning and shoots it out into the yard through the side of my shop’s tin walls I don’t damage the grinder’s motor by jamming the bolt in the safety housing and stalling the motor. Safety First is my rule always.
There are some curiosities about a two wheel bench grinder like I have. First you can’t tighten either wheel’s lock nut using a wrench on both ends. Doing that removes one nut while you tighten the other. You try tightening the one you just removed and the one you just tightened falls on the floor. So the manufacturer cut a slot into the grinder’s axle so you can put a screwdriver into it and use that to apply reverse torque while cinching down the retaining nut. You can get about 3 or 4 inch pounds of torque before your hand loses palm skin. Those boys in the tool design room are probably still laughing over that one.
When working on ancient Japanese motorcycles like my 1974 Suzuki T 500 Titan, a bench grinder with a polishing wheel and wire wheel is the only tool needed to remove years of neglect and restore all the hardware into first class condition. It’s also handy for ruining working parts and making irreplaceable parts monuments to frustration as they disappear in a vector arc into the entrails of my shop clutter. Irritation on the other hand requires only using a wire wheel. Irritation comes in two distasteful flavors, parts that launch into a shop’s black hole, and scabs growing over lost hide.
Electric Drill – (#4 painful) The modern electric drill can trace its roots back to the Minoan Civilization. About a zillion years ago some ancient guys were sitting around a camp fire wondering just how they could use this new fangled metal one of them had found. So they pounded it into a rod shape and tried it as a spear. Turned out it was too heavy, everyone got a hernia chucking it. So they used it as a hot dog skewer instead and that worked pretty well for terriers, Lhasa Apsos, and Dachshunds. After a hearty repast of schnauzer and beer they forgot to take the stake out of the fire and when Grogodopoulous (his actual name never survived so I made it up) went to fetch it, it was glowing red. As any ancient (or modern) man would do he threw that thing about 50 yards in his haste to put his hand between his legs and jumping up and down (thus inventing the burned hand crouch-hop) and when it landed it went ‘thunk’ through a tree trunk. Now that was interesting. That merited a little study by the assembled drunks. Studying it was easier than actually pulling it out of the tree since it was still red hot. Anyway when they finally got the rod out they noticed it left a nice clean hole clear through the tree trunk. And thus was the idea of using a rod to bore holes born. Over the ensuing eons this has been refined, first with hand powered tools then finally electric motor powered tools. And that’s how we come by the modern electric drill (or at least my version of it).
My first drill was a Black and Decker single speed non-reversing ¼” drill bought at Wal-Mart (a purveyor of fine tools). This proved useful for boring holes in wood, metal, plastic, palms, toes and shoes. By changing the drill bit to a screwdriver bit you can countersink screws through wood, bore holes in wood while countersinking screws, and break screws in wood countersinking them. Using a screwdriver bit on metal screws you can countersink flat head screws in sheet metal, bore the centers out of button head screws and twist sheet metal screws for a month without finishing. You can also find a myriad of drill accessories like polishing wheels, wire wheels, sanding disks, and buffing wheels to score, scrape, blast, chip, and ruin your favorite projects.
To properly use an electric drill for boring holes in metal it is recommended you first use a countersink punch to dimple the metal surface. That way when you start the drill and the drill bit skitters all over the polished surface you were so desperately trying to protect you can use highly agitated invectives without remorse. When boring holes in wood first mark the exact location of the hole you want with an X to locate the drill bit on. Then measure the size of the screw, bolt, or fastener you’re going to use in the hole you’re going to bore. Add 3/4” to your measurement and select the appropriate wood bit for the job. For example, you are going to fasten two 2X4’s with a 3/8” hex head bolt and nut, measure the bolt shank and it’s .375” so add .75” and your bit size is 1.125”. Then just place the chisel point of the bit anywhere near the X and drill away. Whatever fastener you’re using will align perfectly; just keep plenty of shim stock on hand. This methodology prevents you from wallowing holes by circumlocution of the drill because the hole is too small. Measure twice, drill once is my motto.
The real problem with single speed, single direction electric drills like my Black and Decker are the limited applications they can be used for. For example if you are trying to remove a particularly pernicious countersunk screw from the primary drive of a Suzuki T 500 (for example) to replace the leaking oil seal and it simply will not budge, you are left with the carcass of a screw since the Phillips Head was destroyed in your venal attempt to remove it.
Sears sells a dandy little screw remover kit for just such occasions, but this requires your drill be reversible. You could try to auger out the remains of a screw with the Sears bit by hand but expect to be at it for awhile (about a decade would be a reasonable time estimate). The reversing drill will remove the offending stripped screw head screw in two shakes (or bore a fresh hole in the engine case, gutting your project). The word of caution when using these types of devices on the end of your electric drill is SLOW. I say this because if you get really zealous about getting the screw out you can change the whole dynamic of your project, that of restoration to resignation.
So the better electric drills now come with variable speed, reversing, torque selection, dual level bubbles, laser lights, and they play disco music. Drills can be purchased in a range of sizes to handle any job.
I recently rented a ½” drill with handles like a Burp Gun. The protruding handle (I was told) was for counter torque if the drill bit stuck. I found the protruding handle was really to break your wrist as you punched your own lights out when the bit stuck. I was trying to use a 1 and 1/8th inch drill bit to bore holes to install new three point hitch lower studs on my brush hog. The guy at the rental store recommended I bore a small pilot hole like ¾” before using the big bit because it could take a while otherwise to remove so much metal. So I used a ¾” metal bit and bored a hole in the lifting collar where I wanted to put the new stud. That took about 15 minutes for one side. In the process of that initial holing I slapped myself twice with my forearm when the drill bit momentarily stuck while the drill didn’t even wince. The horsepower was sufficient that it was going to turn either the drill bit or the drill user at whatever speed it was going. With a relatively large hole in place there wasn’t a lot more metal to remove so I figured another 10 minutes, tops. Forty-five minutes later I had a nice chamfer on my ¾” hole. Forty-five minutes after that the drill bit stuck and my left hand clobbered me in the left temple knocking my glasses into the weeds. I was seeing stars and the chamfer was slightly deeper too. A couple hours later I was ready to start on hole number 2 on the other side. Since I was renting the drill by the hour I needed to get done fast, so I applied a lot more pressure on the drill during the second holes drilling. That was much quicker and much more efficient in knocking me into the weeds when the bit stuck.
Drills are a real necessity in any shop for all kinds of jobs other than just making holes. If I’m making a project in wood and I need to sand it smooth for paint or stain a disk sander on the drill chuck is handy. A rotary disk sanding pad works great to put on a wavy finish with deep swirl marks. You can change pads and remove the gloss finish off your car with a terry cloth pad and Simonize wax. If you want to dress up your car wheels, get one of those ball polishers to rip the urethane finish off so it can rust.
Electric drills can now be purchased that are completely cordless. These battery powered units are excellent for starting a project. You won’t get much past start when it runs out of poop, but that’s why they sell (highly expensive) extra battery packs. The batteries recharge in about 20 to 30 weeks and last about that many minutes. After about a year they can store enough power to stir a glass of lemonade and have torque equal to a wristwatch’s mainspring. The only caution about these units is the batteries are known to hold a “memory.” I’m not sure what the memory is because mine can’t remember they’re supposed to be a battery. I was building a fence around my above ground pool and was using my cordless drill to drive 3” deck screws through the fence boards into 2X4’s. I could count on driving six or seven screws before the drill slowed down and acted like it was rupturing a gearbox. The charger put enough zip into my drill it had all the bark of my daughter’s Yorkshire terrier. I’ve seen some of those ‘contractor’ type cordless units but have been reluctant to spend the cash, (since my college tuition was meager in comparison). Another reason for my hesitation is that the last unit I owned didn’t have replacement parts available 30 minutes after I bought it.
Pneumatic Impact Wrench - (#9 painful/lethal tool) A pneumatic impact wrench uses compressed air to spin a ½” drive (or larger) bidirectionally. Working end tools are designed, developed, and forged to withstand the forces exerted by the drive motor. Impact sockets are usually six point to fit a nut or bolt head precisely and this air powered device provides a fast way to remove and install this hardware. It also is a nifty way to break bolts, fling nuts and provide opportunities to use fresh invectives. A pneumatic impact wrench at its heart is a torque multiplying device. That doesn’t mean it can recite the multiplication tables. It means (when operating) the tool multiplies torque associated with the air pressure supplied by the stroke length of the internal knocker piston. The higher the air pressure the greater the torque that can be instantly applied. Most impact wrenches come with an operating band of air pressure. This can be useful if you have a month to remove a nut, for the rest of us it means spin the air regulator to the upper stop and get to work.
The hammer blow effect of the impact motor multiplies the rotational torque to the tool chuck based on the air pressure. If you’ve ever had your tires changed (rather than just trade your car when the ash tray is full) the grease monkey doing the tire change uses a pneumatic impact wrench to remove and install your car’s lug nuts. It provides that B-B-B-B-vvvIIIIT noise so common at tire shops. When the lug nuts are loosened to the point there is no frictional losses, the speed of the drive goes from 2RPW (revolutions per week) to 60 RPN (revolutions per nanosecond). The speed increase can quit literally launch the nut off the bolt. This speed change has the advantage of reducing the total time it takes to remove a nut from a bolt. It has the disadvantage of requiring the tool’s user to think.
When installing a nut an impact wrench can apply a preset amount of torque if you set the pressure correctly. For the rest of us when the wrench stalls hold the trigger for a count of twelve. If the bolt doesn't shear then it must be alright. The recommended sockets for these wrenches are case hardened high impact resistant units. A set of six cost the same as a slightly used Ford Fiesta. Someday I hope to squirrel away the cash to afford a set of those; on the other hand the wrench itself can be purchased for about the same money you get for the deposit on six Coke bottles at Harbor Freight.
Some years ago I decided I needed to change the shocks on my 1998 Dodge Ram 1500 Quad Cab. After only 80K miles and 10 years they were no longer shocking, they were pogo-ing. I could drop a 70 pound bale of hay into the bed and watch the tailgate do the wave for about 4 minutes.
The truck rear shocks are conveniently tucked up to the rear axle at an angle that must have provided the designers no end of mirth and merriment. I would be willing to bet a quarter and a Coke the guys on the assembly line are under psychiatric care today. Anyway, I was going to take this project on because honestly how hard could it be? I raised the rear of the truck and stabilized it on two jack stands and got a ratchet and socket set. This proved adequate for the lower nut but there was insufficient room to get the upper nut off. So I resorted to a long handle double box wrench. While I could work the wrench in the space provided the amount of accumulated grime on the stud made getting the nut off almost impossible. I decided to remove a hanger bracket to get more space and that only caused an interfering dangly to now be in the way while grunting the nut one 32nd turn at a time. So being the lexical maven that I am (which has nothing to do with mechanical ability) I decided to try using my pneumatic impact wrench to spin the nut off the shock’s stud. To get one of my 36-point sockets and the torque wrench on the nut was impossible with the space available so I got a 12” extension and a universal joint. I put the universal on the socket and extension and the extension on the torque wrench. With this configuration the socket was a limp noodle on the end of the extension because the universal allows it to flop around. So to get everything lined up and ready to go meant I had to hold onto the socket with my left hand while I pulled the trigger on the impact wrench with my right. I did that. The dangly bracket I had removed earlier spun around at about Warp Factor 6 and hit the back of my fingers.
I think I need to relate a story from my childhood here to illustrate this tool’s rating. When I was a lad of six or seven my parents made the unconscionable sin of taking us kids on vacation with them. We were visiting one tedious relative after another on a glacial like migration across the country. As it so happened (and this is no coincidence) my older brother Mark and I were pretty easily bored and so would find ways to amuse ourselves while our parents blissfully yammered incessantly with their relatives. One afternoon (somewhere in Indiana I recall) my brother and I were amusing ourselves in our family’s station wagon (a 1958 Oldsmobile that was a forerunner to the modern Suburban or Bradley Fighting vehicle). We were jumping out the back seat window into the yard playing ‘Airborne Ranger.’ To add spice to our festivities my brother had opened the car door so we could swing out during prelaunch. I was holding onto the widow frame with my left hand and had just sat down on the window sill to ready myself when my brother decided it was time to slam the car door shut. The door closed fine but my fingers were mashed between the door’s frame and the car roof. I tried to calmly suggest to my brother he reopen the car door; unfortunately calm was nowhere near Indiana at that particular moment in time. The ensuing scream I let out was pretty intense. In fact I would not have been surprised to see my shoes coming out of my mouth. I did have the presence of mind to note that my sphincter was articulating wildly in a vain attempt to find my spleen. On the other hand I seemed to be losing my ability to breathe with any regularity. My purpling fingers were beginning to get annoyed at the abuse and were sending messages to my brain but my brain was too busy sorting messages from my rectum, bladder and lungs to notice. My folks came storming out of the house with the same sour demeanor they displayed when some raucous play activity had gone awry resigned to deal with the aftermath. My mother in her desire to help started in with cuffing and boxing the ears of my brother, which was usually a source of delight and gleeful mirth on my part in most cases but in this particular instance the occasion of his ears getting boxed wasn’t providing its usual joys. My fingers sending eye sparkles of pain in waves were just not allowing me to enjoy this moment to its fullest extent. When my father finally noticed I was caught in the car door he sauntered over and opened the door releasing my hand.
That had two simultaneous effects, the release of my fingers and bowels. I noted with some dismay that my fingers now had what I surmised was a permanent crease running across them between the first and second knuckles and where was that sewage smell coming from? Fortunately the damage to my fingers was only temporary; the creases disappeared entirely just before I enlisted into the Army.
I relate that story because at the moment the dangly bracket from my Dodge hit the back of my fingers I would have bet dollars to donuts I understood the meaning of finger pain. This however was a whole new level. I cannot recall another time when I cried tears due to an injury. I’ve done the cringing crouch-hop, where you grab a finger with your good hand and cradle it between your knees and hop around until the pain subsides (takes about a week). This time however I just dropped the tools and started bawling like a hungry calf. My nose was turning into a mucus pump and my glasses were either half full or half empty with tears. This was a totally new sensation beyond previous experience and deserved some time to appreciate and savor every aspect of how my nerves were being offended. My wife sometimes accuses me of being insensitive and this was just such I time I wished with all my being I could be. I would have been happy with just numb, but it wasn’t to be. The pain was flowing like cheap beer at an Irish wedding and I was the recipient of each new wave of mind altering discomfort. Lesson learned, wear gloves and have your older brother handy to change rear shocks on a 1998 Dodge Ram 1500 Quadcab.
A pneumatic impact wrench is clearly indispensible.
