A Really Good Day Yesterday

[CarlS]

I am doing better and beginning to get on with life. I still miss Mae Lyne almost constantly; but I am adapting to her not being with me.

I had a really good day on Friday also. Kerry called me just before noon. He was about a half hor away on business and he invited me to meet for lunch. I was all for that and we met and spent about three hours together. I really enjoy Kerry's fellowship. Kerry, thank you for your time and for lunch. It really boosted my day.

Sunday, I had a bad day; but it did improve as the day went on. Syndays seem to be my hardest days.

Yesterday I left home at 06:13 and rode to the Lake City area. Round trip, I rode 336 miles (541 Kilometers). I arrived at my destination about 09:20. A long time friend I have known for about 45 years, has a 300 acre ranch, beef cattle, that she runs by herself and has done so for 16 years. She needed some help mowing and cutting hay. So I spent the day doing manual labor, driving tractors and mowers. We got everything accomplished that she needed done including the maintenance after the jobs were done.

A quick shower, a delicious dinner, and I was back on the road. I arrived home about 22:20. It was good therapy. I needed the change of scenery and the manual labor plus the long ride.

I was glad to have the Tiger as the last couple of miles are dirt roads - and it is dry sand. There is come really great off road riding in that area. I will have to go back and do some exploring.

I slept well and woke up feeling good.

 

[DaveM]

Carl this is so great to hear that you are starting to heal. Hope the body is ok after all that hard work

 

[CarlS]

Thank you, my friend. I am a little stiff and sore; but not nearly as bad as I thought I would be. I had not done any ranch work since the 80's when my dad had cattle. Ranching is WORK!

 

[DaveM]

I bet it is work and I think I would have been half dead as I am not used to heavy manual work these days either

 

[The Seeker]

Carl,

What you are going through is "normal" and "healthy". You may even feel at times like you are losing your mind....that too is completely normal.

Don't try to rush it. That would actually be unhealthy.

There are stages that are a normal person's response to the death of a loved one. What it shows is that you truly DID love Mae Lyne.

To deny that process of taking it's normal course is to deny that love....so let it happen. In the long run, you will eventually be a healthier and stronger man as a result.

I know this isn't much in the way of short-term consolation, but in the long run, you'll have no regrets and will learn how to adjust naturally. I say "learn to adjust" because you never really "get over" grief, you just learn to adjust to it.

May I suggest checking-out a Bereavement Support Group in your area? They are much more helpful than you might initially think.

Also, this website may say it better than I can (in fact I know it can): http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org/coping-with-loss

 

[CarlS]

Thanks, AJ. The support group is a good idea. I will look into that. The Army offered that to me when Justin was killed; but I really did not need it as I had Mae Lyne's support and plenty of work to keep me occupied. Obviously, this time, I do not have Mae Lyne; so it is tougher in that aspect alone.

Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts to the grieving process. And the deeper one loves, the harder the separation is. What I don't want to do is go into depression. I am not going to surrender to that. I do experience the grief and when the tears well up and the knot is in my throat, I let the tears flow. I do not try to repress it. I know that I am improving; but I am also fully aware that there will be ups and downs for a long time to come.

I also am not making any major decisions except those that have to made.

You are so right about never getting over grief; one simply learns to cope and go on. I still grieve over Justin and it has been nine years. It still hits me now and then. I am sure this will be worse this time. I am person who enjoys and life and I am going to continue to enjoy live and experience it to the fullest. It is a little difficult to do that right now; but it will come.

 

[Dilligaf]

 

[T-RIDER]

Hello Carl,
I trust that you are well. Some days go well, others not. It is those days that you take long trips, work hard, do anyting to keep yourself busy not to think of the loved one that you lost. I went through this with Marius. Many a time I found consolation in what the car watch at our church said to me one day. "Johann you must not worry about Marius, he is at the ports of heaven and is smiling at you" I hope this will make your days more easier.
T-RIDER Johann & Eline

 

[dazco]

Thats great....and I know that feeling. getting away and out on the road and even the labor is a good thing. It's good for the soul and can change your whole outlook. It's good you have that new bike to so you enjoy the ride even more. Good 4 U Carl.

 

[The Seeker]

Keep telling yourself that if Mae Lyne was able to tell you right now she'd be begging you NOT to grieve and enjoy life as best you can.

PS: Not making any major decisions at this time is the BEST thing you can do too.

 

[CarlS]

Johann, thank you for caring. Yes, it is a difficult process and those things that can take your mind off of the one's loved one are needed diversions that give one time to heal. And the process is never over; you just do a better job of coping as times goes on. I have no doubt about where Mae Lyne is and I know she is healed from her physical problems. I take great comfort in that. But I surely do miss her.

Please give my regards to Eline. God bless you.

 

[otherwise]

Good going Carl.
I can tell you that on the days that I ride 500km I sleep well without putting in a hard days work on top of the riding!

 

[CarlS]

Oh yes, it did not take me long to fall asleep and I slept a solid 8 hours! I woke up feeling refreshed and feeling good emotionally.

 

[avion]

 

[CarlS]

Glad you are having some days Carl.
Actually that long ride, and doing farm work was probably perfect for you to.
The bad days in time, will become fewer to my friend.

God Bless You Buddy

Thank you BC and G. I have to say that it was the best day I have had so far and it carried over into yesterday. My spirits are up. Not only was the long ride and the ranch work therapeutic, the change of scenery away from all of the constant reminders added to the mix.

The bad days in time, will become fewer to my friend.

Yes, and I am looking forward to that. Thank you, my friend.

 

[shanered6]

hi carl im so glad your starting to feel better about things , in time you'll be able to look back...... not in grief ..... but with a smile and a sense of pride at the time you had with mae lynn , and know in your heart that you wouldn't of changed a thing .

 

[CarlS]

Thank you, Shane. I can look back and smile - sometimes through tears and sometimes with just a joyous smile. I already know that I would not change a thing and I am so thankful for the time we had together. But I still miss her a thousand times a day.